Busy few weeks

Realised it's been a while since I last blogged which has been a combination of being very busy and not being really up to writing much as a result. But wanted to update you of some awesome news!

My chat with the consultant went really well about a week ago and she surprised us by saying at the meeting they have with all the consultants over my care, they've concluded that my scans are cancer free! WOOOOOOO! This was a massive surprise as the registrar had sort of suggested that there was still cancer visible, but apparently not. My consultant has recommended a total of 6 chemos and then a MRI instead of a CT scan to double check everything but, God willing, I should be declared in remission on 11th May at my next check up her. It is a bit odd though as we're sort of transitioning away from chemo and cancer, and a life without it. The consultant reassured us of the next steps and how I'll be looked after by her and another consultant in women's health over the next five years but we even managed to chat through rehab afterwards and even how long to wait before trying for another baby, which was tearful but hopeful.

Felt really relieved and like a huge weight has lifted since. It is a strange thing as you get used to being very guarded with your emotions and what people say to you as a way of keeping yourself in check and functioning throughout the day. The concern is that when you get good news it won't register, or that you will get fearful that you can't cope if you hear that it is back again. But thankfully it really did register and we've just felt God's Grace to keep focusing on one day at a time, and enjoy all the blessings of that day. I know I've grown up in this area throughout this season especially as I used to crave careless freedom you have when you have no responsibilities or concerns, but now I am so massively grateful for everything I have and I've decided to limit my questions about the future. I'm still learning.

I've been selected for a research project into cancer survivorship which has meant that once I'm feeling better after the my last chemo session (21st April), I can start a three month exercise and nutrition plan with my local leisure centre. It's free and I get step by step help to work me through to a stronger body and mind. It has been so great to know I'll get help with getting my body back a bit as feels like I can't remember what it was like to feel like me in my own body with pregnancy, breast feeding and then cancer. So crazy so am super grateful for the opportunity.

Whilst this has all been going on with we've started building work to have a kitchen diner made downstairs in our new place. We decided it was better to do it whilst we weren't in the house but having to project manage it all and source all the materials whilst this has been going on, is frankly nuts :0 Thankfully it is almost finished and now just need to get everything in, fitted and painted. Phew. Should be complete in a few weeks and then we can move! Yay! So excited to think we could be in our own place after Easter and through chemo. Wow.

We also had another amazing piece of news three weeks ago. We found out Ray's critical care insurance had paid out, and so we had a lump sum through to help with Ray have compassionate leave and babysitting care/nursery for Millie. Such a huge relief and blessing. Thank you for all those that prayed for this. We'd got to a place where we just felt content with whatever happened, but it is still the most amazing help at what has been quite a testing time and will help us look to the future with a bit more ease knowing I can pay for help if I need it.

Ray and I are starting to feel more easy about planning stuff so are thinking about a nice holiday for just the two of us in the UK and maybe Paris too over the next 6 months - so awesome to plan ahead some stuff as you miss it just thinking about only the end of the day. We'll play it by ear as I'm getting quite tired now, and my poor body is not sure whether it is coming or going. I feel emotionally ok, just unsure how to cope with the weakness and aching that has started to happen. The Drs have warned I'll be needing a lot of help near the end and to pace myself but I'm doing really well and are pleased how well my body is holding up. Just need to give my immune system time to recover over the next 6 months. The next few years is important as if the cancer is going to come back they've explained it is likely to be earlier rather than later. After 5 years they discharge me from hospital, but they seem confident that with my staging being early, my health and the fact they've blasted me with so much chemo, I should be fine, but science, as you know, is not exact, and as they amusingly remind me, they are not God :) Looking forward to one more chemo, well that it will be over, and then May. That is my designated month off.... hee hee. Then seeing people and enjoying the summer. Oh let's hope! Almost there.

Keep praying :)